chapter fifteen – blame it on the boogie part ii

Wednesday, March 2nd, 1988 - New York City

The door was ajar, held slightly open with the unlatched deadbolt just as Allison said it would be. Stepping into the suite, Val quietly shut the door behind her and replaced the deadbolt.
"Hello hello... anyone home? Nurse Cal Val is here to save the day and rescue you from your east coast blues!”

Val took a sweeping look around the spacious and lavish suite. It looked more like a museum than a place to sleep she thought. It was nice, well it was more than nice, but funny enough it didn’t really impress her. Even though she was born with a silver spoon her mouth and was treated to every luxury you could dream of growing up, she was never impressed with over the top grandeur. It always seemed a little too stuffy and formal for her tastes. Although she was sure Edward and Patricia, her parents, would fit right in here for sure.

She walked further into the suite and called out again, “YO A-Team, where you at? I pity the fool that does not answer me!”  She laughed at her own joke then listened carefully but got no response.
She started to walk passed the dining area down the hall when Allison came out of the room at the end.
She sniffed, “hey Val, hi. Thanks for coming”
“Jesus honey, you look worse than me after a night of tequila.”
Allison smiled weakly rolling her eyes at Val, “I must look a fright then.” Her voice cracking as she tried to hold back her emotions.
“Ah yes, you would be correct. You don’t look that bad.”

Allison wrung her hands together trying not to fidget. She was unnerved and thought she might possibly be sick again. But this time it had nothing to do with food but from the stark realization she could be pregnant. What a mess she was in. She needed to talk to someone and she couldn’t ask for a better supporter than her best friend. The only problem was she didn’t know how to begin or what to say.

“So what’s up? You got the flu?” Val inquired.
“Umm, I dunno… actually I don`t think so.”
She raised her brow, “but you said you were sick and you have been a little bit testy lately.”
Allison chuckled nervously, “oh a couple days ago I do believe someone called me a bit-”
“Now now,” Val waved her manicured hand in the air interrupting her. “No need to bring up ancient history. Besides you’re not feeling so well thus I will hold my tongue for your benefit of course.”
Allison smiled and relaxed a little, “but of course.” She looked in and around Val but could not meet her eyes. “Come let’s sit down in the living room.”

Allison led Valerie in through the grand entrance down to the living room. The suite was excessively furnished mostly with Rococo styled furnishings and decorations with ornate accents. Even to the unsophisticated eye you could tell no expense had been spared in furnishing the suite that was for sure. But to the ultra-trained eye of Valerie Whitworth it said one thing… her mother.
She snickered, “definitely classic Patricia styling for sure.”
Allison turned to look at her, “what’s that Val?”
She laughed sarcastic, “I am beginning to wonder if my mother decorated this suite.”
“Hmm,” she nodded in agreement. Allison had only met Val’s parents a few times. Usually it was when they came to check up Val at University. But the summer of their sophomore year she travelled with Val to Cape Cod to meet a boy that Val said she had fallen in lust with. On their way there, they stopped at the Beacon Hill home of Val’s childhood, staying with Val’s parents for a few nights. For the most part they seemed like very nice people. But there was no mistaking they came from money, had money and as two extremely successful litigation lawyers made lots and lots of money. They were a tad stiff and very formal. Nothing like her own parents and nothing like Val either. Although Val carried the same aura of confident sophistication and was spoiled she didn’t have that same haughty air of unapproachable about her.

They reached the sitting area by the large plate glass window and Allison motioned for her to sit on the settee and she sat on the facing chair. Valerie immediately noticed the rich silk damask fabric covering the antique sofa.  “Hmm, this is quite a nice piece of furniture,” she mused as she ran her hand over the pattern. “It looks Venetian, I would say 18th century by the look of the frame. Must have been reupholstered, but the lines are outstanding.”

Allison listened to her speak, not really hearing what she was saying. She let out a slow breath. “Jesus just say it…”
“Val...” her throat constricted as she tried to swallow. “Val, I'm late.“
Val turned in her direction still assessing the quality of the craftsmanship of the sofa, "late for what honey?" When Allison didn’t answer her Val looked up finally to meet her eyes. Oh crap... The slumped posture, the fidgeting hands and utterly scared look in her eyes gave it away.
She eyed her carefully, "how late?"
"Umm, a week and a bit."
“Tsk,” she sucked her teeth. “Well that’s not so bad.” She said trying to sound upbeat.
“Val you know I am a dead on 28 day girl, I’m never ever late.”

It was true, she did know that. You didn’t live with another woman for almost 4 years and not end up knowing the intimate details of their cycle. But she didn’t want her to worry about something that wasn’t even positive yet.
“Are you sure? I mean maybe you’re just stressed from all the travelling and pressure, a week is not that late.”
Val really wasn't lying to make her feel better. She knew how easily Allison stressed and worried about everything. That could easily throw anyone’s normal schedule out of whack let alone control freak Allison. “You have been travelling almost nonstop for 6 months and you worried about Marcus and Samson, you just –“
“I was sick this morning Val,” she interrupted. She tried to remain calm but her voice started to waiver and break. “Michael ordered eggs and… and…as soon as I smelled them,” her breath caught on a hiccup “right away I felt queasy and my stomach just lurched. I barely made it to the bathroom.” A single tear slid down her cheek followed by another. She covered her face and tried to control feelings, focusing on her breathing and not let the dam break. She was afraid if she started to cry she wouldn’t be able to stop.
“Oh honey,” Val leaned over and squeezed her thigh. “Okay listen, don’t cry, we don’t even know anything yet. There will be no crying until I say so.”

Allison looked up and gave her a weak smile, it was something Val use to say to her all the time, but hadn’t in a long while, “still the boss of me I see?”
“Yes and always will be! Now listen this is what we are gonna do,” Val got up searching to find the room service menu. “I want you to call room service and order yourself a big pot of tea and some toast okay and wait for me here,” she found the menu and passed it to her. “Oh and order me a glass of chardonnay and I’ll be back in 15, 20 minutes.”
“Val, it’s like 11 in the morning!” Allison chastised her.
“Oh right… make it a Manhattan with an extra shot on the side.”
“Wait. Where are you going?”
“To visit the Queen of Mean and have tea of course!”
Allison shook her head, “huh, who... Val?”
“Never mind, that is another story. I am going to get us a pregnancy test. Where did you think I was going you big Waldo?”
“Sorry, I... I don’t know,” she stammered. “I am so messed up... Val if I am –“
“Look honey, lets’ not think anything until we know – then we can worry about what to do, Okay”
She nodded absently but didn’t say a word.
“Yes, okay.” She tried to give her a positive smile. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, now order my drink,” she reprimanded in jest, grabbing her purse and heading towards the front entrance.

Allison watched Val leave and stared out into the now empty and quiet room. She didn’t want to move. What she wanted to do was stay perfectly still hoping it was just a bad dream that she would wake from at any moment.  As the minutes passed by she finally gave up that happening. Opening up the menu she dialed room service and ordered her tea and toast and Val’s drink with the extra shot as requested. Thank god for Val... in a matter minutes she turned her problem in to their problem that they would work out together. Only the bigger problem was if she was pregnant there was absolutely nothing Val could do to help her or make it better. It wouldn’t be their problem, it would be her problem and she would have to deal with that on her own.

The room service order arrived a few minutes before Val returned from her shopping trip. In her left hand she carried a small a paper bag that was holding Allison’s fate.
“You look better,” Val said as she placed the paper bag on the coffee table and turned to look for her drink.
“Yeah, I feel better thanks. I splashed some cold water on my face.”
“Good, did you eat some of the toast?”
“Not yet, I am gonna have some now. Do you want some?”
“No thanks, I found exactly what I am looking for right here,” she replied as she spied the room service tray holding her drink on the sideboard. Val downed the shot in one quick gulp. She was nervous for Allison too, but one of them had to remain calm. She took a sip of her Manhattan and moved to sit beside Allison who was now sitting on the settee. “Are you okay now?”
“I think so, I am sorry for being such a basket case. I’m scared.”
“I know,” Val leaned into her. “Come on let’s get it over with.”

Val sat quietly on the floor outside the closed bathroom door waiting. When the door opened Allison slid down the wall to sit beside her, “3 minutes the directions said.”
“Okay. Did you want some more tea?”
‘Nah, I am good.”

They said nothing else and remained quiet. It was a weird awkward uncomfortable silence between them. Normally on any given day the two of them could carry on a 3 hour conversation on just about anything. But now with only 3 minutes to kill they couldn’t think of a single word to say to one another.
“So Al… what are you gonna do if... if you know.”
She shook her head “I don’t know.”
“Did you want me to stay on for a few more days?”
“No, you should go. I know your parents are expecting you.”
“I want you to be okay.”
“I’ll be alright.”
“I think it’s time Ally.”
Neither one of them moved from where they were sitting. Allison swallowed. She didn’t want to move. “I can’t look.”
“I am can’t look for you Ally, this is something you need to check yourself.”
“I know. I know.”

Allison closed her eyes momentarily, mentally telling herself that whatever she saw, what happened she would be ready and okay with dealing with it. “Okay, here goes nothing,” she said slightly under her breath. Then pushed herself up the wall to stand and walked resolutely to the bathroom. Val stood up too leaning against the door frame watching Allison in the mirror for any sign or indication of what she saw.

She didn’t have to wait long. Nor did she have to ask what the outcome was. As soon as Allison picked up the smooth ivory stick her hand began to shake and then she dropped it into the sink. A choked sob escaped her throat as she braced the counter with both hands as if to steady herself.
"Ohhhh mother...."  Val thought. She moved quickly to comfort her, placing her arm around her slumped shoulders, “Ally?”

She slowly shook her head back and forth as she stared into the sink at the evidence, disbelieving she let this happen. “Val… what am I gonna do?”
She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she knew what she should do. "I dunno, but I think the first thing is you should tell Michael.”
“Michael?” In all of this she was not even thinking of Michael, she was only thinking how stupid she had been for not being responsible, but now it really hit her. Hearing his name knocked her into a whole new realm of worry and doubt.
“Yes Michael,” Val repeated hearing the confusion in her voice. “You know that guy you’ve been hanging out with for the past few months? He is kinda famous and is head over heels in love with you.”
“I know who he is.”
“Well, you need to tell him.”
“Val… what, Val I can't.”
“What do you mean you can’t? Why not?
“Oh my god Val, this so my fault... I forgot to take my pills. Me! I forgot, somehow, when we were in Florida. Dammit, I am usually so careful - how did I let this happen.”
“Allison, you are being ridiculous. You didn’t just let this happen.”
“This is so not good, he barley has time for me now.. I can't tell him there is a baby involved. He already has so much pressure on his shoulders. I can’t… I can’t add to it.”
 “So what are you thinking? I know you Ally, you can’t hide from this or deal with it on your own. And you cannot not tell him. This is not something to be kept secret.”
“No… I know.  I don’t want to hide it… I just…  I need to think.”
“Think about what,” Valerie was getting angry with herself imposed guilt. “Shit Allison you didn't get pregnant on your own. You are not the Virgin Mary. It takes two to get pregnant.”
"Yeah but the pill is all me... I forgot to take it." Her mind instantly flashed back to the very first time they spoke about birth control – he said it was the woman’s responsibility...  “The woman takes care of with the birth control pill and they say they do,” he had declared adamantly.

Jesus he was going to think she did this on purpose... after everything she said that night and making them wait... god he was going to hate her. She blinked rapidly trying to stop the tears from falling, but it was no use, the dam was cracking. It was amazing she had been able to hold them back for as long as she did. A low tortured sob echoed in the large bathroom, the sadness of it almost breaking Valerie’s heart.
Valerie did the only thing she could.  She opened her arms wide to circle them around her, pulling her close. "Come here honey," her voice breaking and her own resolve in pieces. "We’ll figure it out okay... please, please Ally, don’t cry, don't worry, we'll figure it out," were the only words she could manage to say.
Allison collapsed in her arms. She wanted to believe her. She wanted to think that everything would be okay, but the reality was it wasn't going to be all right. How could it be? No matter how you sliced or diced the situation was not going to end well.

Michael returned to the hotel just before 5PM. The black van pulled into the underground lot at the rear giving him and his group private access to the top floors. It had been a long afternoon and he wanted to rest before his performance tonight. Before stepping into the freight elevator, he spoke briefly with Karen and Michael Bush discussing the final preparations for tonight’s appearance. Michael wanted everything to be perfect for this rare live TV performance.  He understood how important this performance could be for the sales for his album. Sales of Thriller went through the roof after the Motown 25 TV Special. He was hoping the same for BAD.  The sales for BAD had been solid since its release, but nothing in numbers compared to Thriller, thus giving the press more to talk about. Even though the album debuted at number one, staying there for six weeks.

He entered the suite to find her nowhere in sight. He walked down the hall taking a long moment to look at his reflection in the mirror before he went to the closet to remove his jacket. He didn’t call out to her afraid she might be sleeping. He hadn’t had time to check on her during the day and he had been worried about her. She wasn’t her usually chipper and silly self. She was tired and cranky and for the most part seemed to be worn out. When they were in Kansas City she seemed perfectly fine and happy to be on tour with him. But the last week or so something was off. He knew it was a lot to ask someone to pick up and leave everything and live by his schedule. It still wore him down and he had been doing it for year. Still he was surprised by her apparent lack of stamina… and they really had only just started. They had almost a whole year to go. He wanted her to go everywhere with him, but now he wondered if it was too much for her.  But he couldn’t imagine going without her. He hoped it was just the flu and not anything more serious.

He found her in the bedroom. She was lying on her stomach at the end of the bed watching TV.  She looked up, smiling instantly when their eyes met, warming him. She had changed from her black leggings and sweater he had seen her in earlier and now looked completely comfortable and utterly adorable in a pair of shorts and his red plaid shirt. He was glad he was back here with her. Walking over to the side of the bed he pulled off his books and crawled in to lay down in beside her, “hey, how are you feeling? Better?”
She turned over to her right side to face him, “yeah, I am. Thanks."
He needed to touch her. He trailed his finger along her jawline to tuck a piece of stray hair in behind her ear. “Did you eat something later on?”
“Uhhh yeah, Val and I had lunch together and it stayed down so that was good,” she lied. It was only a little white lie and it was for the best she told herself, as she knew he was worried.
“Did you two ladies go out?”
“No we had lunch in so I could rest.” She didn’t want to keep lying and that as basically true if you counted the tea and toast.
“I am glad you are feeling better. Although I do think you should stay here tonight.”
“Yeah, I think that is a good idea.”
“Besides it will be hard for you to be with me.”

Earlier today, before her discovery, Allison probably would have fought him on that. Wanting to be where he was when he performed tonight. But now, she just wanted to think about how she was going to handle her new situation…. and she was definitely pregnant, confirming it by having Val purchase two more kits to be sure, the little plus sign appearing almost immediately before her eyes. Not even waiting the mandatory 3 minutes before revealing its secret. Undaunted, she counted the days and dates on her calendar until her vision was blurry. By her rudimentary method, she guessed she was almost 6 weeks pregnant give or take a few days. This meant she got pregnant her second week in Florida. Damn how did she forget her pills??

They laid there together for another few minutes until Michael spoke up and eyed her seriously, “can I ask you something... and I want you to tell me the truth.”
Her stomached fluttered wondering what he could be thinking. It made her slightly nervous.  “Sure.”
His faced softened, smiling he lifted his hand to pull playfully at the open neckline of the shirt, “I’m just wonderin’ if you’re planning to steal all my clothes?”
“What don’t you like when I wear your shirts?” She tugged the collar up to her nose to inhale the lingering scent of him. “It always makes me feel so much closer to you when we are apart.”
Of course he liked it. He loved to see her in his clothes. Every time she wore something of his he thought it looked better on her than on him. But of course it only made him wanted to take it off her. She said she loved him in plaid, but he loved seeing her in his plaid more.
“Oh no, I definitely like it, I’m just wonderin’ if I need to send someone shopping to beef up my shirt wardrobe.”
She smiled widely and raised her eyebrows nodding, “that sounds like a good idea to me.”
He chuckled softly kissing her cheek before moving to get up, “just what I thought.”

As Michael recounted his day to her he started to undress, taking off his belt, dress shirt and socks before walking into the bathroom to get a shower. He still didn’t feel comfortable undressing in a nonsexual setting with her. Not that she was one to talk, but he still kept his body hidden from her. When he wanted to be with her or was making love to her there was no anxiety at all or any worries about how his skin looked. He easily and readily showed her everything. But his guardedness only proved how ‘new’ their relationship was and so recently that they declared their feelings for one another. She rolled over back to her stomach, burying her face in the soft covers of the bed. God this was not the situation to bring a baby into. But according to Mr. Clear Blue and First Response, they had no choice, a baby was coming. She was still scared to death to tell him, but after Val had calmed her down and spent some time talking to her she knew she was right. She was right she couldn’t hide it. She just didn’t know what his reaction would be. They were still new as a couple. In fact nobody even really knew they were a couple, except the few she told. She didn’t believe he told anyone. As he said to her before, “people make up their own stories, so why even tell them anything. They don’t believe you anyway, even if it is the truth.” When he had said that she scoffed at him not quite agreeing with him, but the more time she spent with him inside his world it really was a pretty accurate description of the stories that got told about him.  She just didn’t want her pregnancy to become tabloid fodder too.

Her plan was to tell him tonight when he returned from his performance. Hopefully he would be high from the performance and his Grammy wins. Her rationale was that if he was happy and on top of the world it would be easier to tell him. But unfortunately he didn't come back to the suite as happy as she hoped. Actually he didn't come back happy at all.

His performance lived up to everyone’s expectations including his. He had worked so hard on getting it right and the way he wanted it. He immersed himself in the planning and preparations.  During one of the first rehearsals she heard him say to one of his PR personnel, “I want to leave them (the academy and the audience) with an unforgettable impression of Michael Jackson. Replace all the negative things they say about me with what I do best not what they read in the tabloids.”

He did too! He was magic.  Anyone who saw his captivating performance would agree. He had everyone standing on their feet screaming for more, including her and Val in the middle of Val's hotel room. But then after... he didn’t win any awards. Not a single one, in all four categories he was nominated. He looked heartbroken sitting in the front row. Every time one of his nominations came up Allison’s heart sped up excitedly. Only to have it drop into to the pit of her stomach when another winner was announced. She wanted to cry to see him sitting there looking so alone and unbelieving. The last time he had appeared at the Grammy’s he had won eight, this time he had nothing to show for his work.

She could understand Album of the year going to U2 for the Joshua Tree. But Bobby McFerrin for best Pop Male Vocals on “Don’t Worry, Be Happy??” “That has to be the stupidest song ever,” she yelled at the TV and Val agreed too.

When the show was over she walked back up to their suite to wait for him to return. She knew he would be disappointed with the evening and she wanted to be there for him. Changing into her favourite pa6jama top she crawled in under the cool sheets to wait for him. When he returned to the suite, she could hear Michael and Frank talking, rather loudly, in the front area. After a few minutes her curiosity got the best of her and she poked her head out the bedroom door to listen to see what they were saying.

“I don’t understand, I thought for sure we would win Album of the year,” Frank consoled him.
“This isn’t about the music,” Michael complained. “If was about music we’d have won. It is all about image and what is in the tabloids.” He continued angrily.
“Don’t worry Michael, there will be other award, other shows,” Frank interjected.
“No, it doesn’t matter Frank. No matter what I do or what I say it is always opposite…. or what somebody says or what something wants.” His voice cracked on the verge of tears.

She closed the bedroom door quietly and leaned up against the inside trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She could feel the tears building behind her closed eyes. Don’t cry… don’t cry… she squeezed her eyes tighter willing herself to keep the tears in.  He sounded so wounded and hurt. Like a little a child in the playground. The one that always gets picked last for team sports. She felt a deep longing to protect him, to make him feel safe from all of this. She could still hear the muffled sounds of their conversation as she crawled into bed to curl on her side to face the place he would soon sleep…  tonight wouldn't be the night, she couldn't tell him, not now.

Thursday, March 3rd, 1988

The next morning Allison awoke to find that Michael had finally joined her. She had fallen asleep by the time he finished with Frank and came to bed.  She was turned in towards him with her head tucked safely under his chin, his arm was wrapped around her back and her hand rested softly against his chest. Why didn't he wake her?

Michael heard the change in her breathing and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her head, "morning."
“Good morning,” she whispered against his neck.
“Girl you sleep like the dead."
"Hmm," she smiled stretching out her body against him.  "Sorry, you should have woken me."
"You looked too peaceful to do that."
She suddenly remembered the previous night and the defeat at the Grammy's. She pulled away to look at him.
"Michael," she hesitated. "I'm sorry about last night... I was sure... I mean you should of -" she was at a loss for words to explain.
"Don't worry," he interrupted her train of thought bending his neck down to kiss her. He had been waiting for her to wake, his mind still reeling from the night before. She held the comfort he needed. Her kiss melded to his at once, and she parted her lips slightly to let him in. He groaned softly into her mouth, feeling himself straining against his pyjama bottoms. He needed to feel her. He didn't want to talk about last night. He wanted to get lost in her warmth, her body, her very essence. He cradled her and rolled her onto her back nudging her legs apart with his. She moaned his name and instinctively moulded her body up into his, feeling the heat of his erection on her thigh. Allison followed his lead. She wanted to talk, but she wanted him too. She wanted to do whatever he wanted, whatever he needed, whatever it took to make him feel better about last night. He pushed his hand between them to tug at the side of her panties, trying to pull them down off her.
He panted into her mouth, "I need you Ally, I need... just you," his voice breaking with emotion.

As she pushed her hips up to make it easier to remove her underwear her hands fumbled with the single button of his bottoms to free him completely. Their breaths came harsh and heavy as they mixed together. She could hear the sounds of activity outside their closed door, heightening her arousal for him. Michael pulled up on his knees to free her legs from her undergarments, and then came back to her. He groaned running his hand firmly up the inside her thigh to brush along her centre, "feel so good… so good... I need to feel you" he whispered desperately against her stomach. His tongue was hot and his mouth needy. She could feel the urgency in his desire pulling at her. She cried out momentarily when his mouth covered her nipple, scorching her skin with the heat of his mouth. He tried to move slowly but he couldn’t temper his painful yearning to be lost in her. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears. She gave way to the intensity of his movements as he captured her lips in a heated kiss, feeling his hot sting of tears, as he sank himself deeply into her, losing himself completely in her delicious heat.


The back area of Madison Square Gardens was alive with sound and activity. Tonight the biggest show on earth was about to take on NYC.  The celebrities were everywhere. Whitney Houston, Donny Osmond, Quincy Jones, Barry Gibb, and Liz Taylor just to name a few. The entire Jackson clan had arrived in New York the day before and were in attendance, even the mayor of New York, Ed Koch, was there. This was bigger and louder that anything she had seen in Japan or Australia. There were also more security and check points to go through. It was a high profile event and everyone wanted to be at this show. Especially since the tickets could not be purchased at the box offices. A special lottery system was setup to determine who would receive tickets for the private show. Even the celebrities had to pay for a special price to get tickets, with all the funds going to the UNCF.  Everyone who was there had to have a special ticket that allowed them to access along with a onetime special issue BSP to make sure they were allowed in the back area. It was a one of a kind show and no one wanted to be left off the guest list.

She had just left Michaels dressing room. The show would be beginning in about 20 minutes, so Allison wanted to get to her side stage seat. She knew this was another big night for him and dressed for the occasion and he loved what she wore. Remembering how much he loved her Japanese Cherry Blossom dress, she wore a dress she had bought in Taipei. It was traditional a sleeveless Chinese Cheongsam made from pale gold silk with a classic dragon pattern. It was beautiful and Michael could stop touching the embroidered design that ran along the sides.

She hadn’t seen him since he made love to her this morning.  It had been totally overpowering and wildly emotional. He didn’t want to talk but it was obvious he needed to release what he was feeling from the night before. He wasn’t rough with her; on the contrary, his words were gentle and loving. Yet there was an anxious urgency to how he made love to her. Similar to when she first arrived in Florida, but different, she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

As she made her way to her seat she saw Mrs. Jackson getting in her seat beside Janet, Michael’s sister.
She didn’t want to be rude by not saying anything and she knew Michael planned to introduce them more formally in the next couple of days so she thought she better say hello.
Val was already in her seat across the way and Allison waved to catch her attention and motioned she would be there in a minute.

As she walked towards them, she was welcomed by a warm motherly smile.
“Hello dear.”
“Hello Mrs. Jackson, nice to see you again.”
Katherine Jackson gave her a quizzical look and then recognition came to her face. "Oh yes aren’t you the young lady taking photo's for Michael?"
"Yes, I am." Allison smiled relieved she didn't have to introduce herself.
"Yes, I recall seeing you in Japan, how are you dear?"
"I am very well thank you, how are you?"
“I am always happier to have Michael closer to home.”
“Yes that must be hard to handle… him being away from home all the time.”

The conversation was easy but Allison was already nervous as they exchanged pleasantries. She was sure it had something to do with the fact she was now expecting Michaels child and was only about to just make the acquaintance of his mother. What would she do when Michael introduced her as the girl he is seeing and she finds out she is pregnant?? Yup that should go over well!  Oh hello, yes I am pregnant, nice to meet you, please call me Billie Jean Wolf.
She shook her head, “well I better get over to my seat,” she said ready to excuse herself. “I don’t want to miss the beginning. Enjoy the show.”
Mrs. Jackson gave her a warm smile, “you too dear, thanks for coming over.” Then she turned back towards the stage.

Allison turned to leave when a cool hand grasped her arm. She turned to meet a smile as warm as Michael’s and eyes as brown. “Hey, are you Allison?”
Allison was taken aback that Janet knew her name, “Uhhhh yeah, I am. Hi.”
“Hi, I’m Janet, Michael’s sister,” she gave her a knowing nod and stepped closer to her. “Michael has told me all about you. It is nice to finally meet you.”
“It is nice to meet you too Janet.”
Janet’s eyes twinkled when she smiled and she squeezed Allison’s hand “enjoy the show.”
“You too.”
She ran around quickly to the other side to join Valerie just in time for the beginning of the show. As the smoke rose up and the crowd cheered, she got goosebumps. She just knew it was going be an outstanding night.

He was on fire. He seemed like his body was possessed by a force of nature that could not be stopped. It was like he had taken all his hurt and disappointment from the previous night at the Grammy’s and poured it into this one singular performance. As if to say, HERE - THIS IS HOW GOOD I AM. You can say what you want, write what you want and call me names but THIS is what makes me the best performer in the world. And there was no denying it that night. From the opening number to the next song, to the next it was hard for her and everyone to catch their breath. His spins were tighter, his step lighter, his smile wider and brighter. He was flirtier with Sheryl during their duet… and softer with the fan during “She’s out of my life.” He shimmed he grooved and danced his body like she had never seen him before. Sweat dripped off him and he powered through the show. His shows were always very choreographed and orderly at times, but tonight he was a man obsessed and infused with the beat, the rhythm, the crowd… they all became one with him. There was an extra punch to his movements and it was sexual beyond belief.

When he performed Dirty Diana it was like he was making love to his microphone. She blushed hard when he caressed the microphone stand the same way he touched her in private. It was incredible to watch and it made her heart beat faster. Even Val made a comment about his movements, making her blush again despite herself. Steve Stevens, Billy Idols’ guitarist who played on the album version of Dirty Diana, was there too. He joined them on stage at the end to join Jennifer during the fade out solo. It was amazing to watch.

Allison was smiling like a fool almost the entire show. Clapping and jumping around she was ecstatic and happy beyond belief to see him so in charge almost commanding that everyone look at him to believe he was this good.

And then it happened… it was like a dream or something that happened in slow motion, she could see it coming but was helpless to do anything to stop it. It was at the end of the show during the first encore. It was during “The Way You Make Me Feel”. Tatiana, fresh off her Grammy appearance with him, was here for the MSG performances. She strutted back and forth teasing and taunting him and Michael pursued her like prey. Maybe it was the added build up, the setting or maybe it was meant to happen. Whatever it was, it happened and it happened right before her eyes.

From her view point she couldn’t tell exactly what escalated it. She was watching Michael, who looked incredible; he licked his lips and looked at Tatiana with a sexy smile. Oh my god… she is going to kiss him – then everything was super clear and in slow motion for Allison. She heard herself yell “No!” but it was too late.
Tatiana grabbed his shirt to hold him, Michael’s hand fell to her hip, she stepped her leg in between his, she pulled him closer and then they were sealed in a kiss. Face to face, chest to chest and hip to hip.  It only lasted a few seconds but it seemed like an eternity. Those in the audience that had seen it went wild… and Allison’s heart went cold and still. Then Michael broke the kiss, and pulled her to the side and continued on with the song like nothing had happened. She thought his eyes looked disapproving but it was hard to tell, everything after happened so fast and she could barely breathe.

The stage went black for the end of the song and they ran off the stage. There was one more encore, Man in the Mirror – but Allison, still trying to catch her breath, already knew she wasn’t staying for it, she couldn’t. She heard Val yell after her, but she needed to get out of there.

Turning her back to the stage she walked out to the corridor to find James to take her back to the hotel. She went out the back door they had entered earlier this evening and was relieved to see he was standing there with the other drivers and chauffeurs for the special guests. When she told him she wanted to go back to the hotel now, before the show was over, he tried to dissuade her. But her mind was made up.
“James, either you take me back or I will hail a cab,” she threatened.
James didn’t want her to leave; he knew Mike wouldn’t be happy. But if he found out she took a cab by herself it would be twice as bad. Taking the lesser of the two evils, he agreed to drive her back to the hotel and lead her towards the car.

After dropping her off at the hotel, James contacted Bill to advise him of his whereabouts and Allison’s too so Michael wouldn’t be worried. He went on to explain that she had insisted on leaving but he didn’t know why. But he didn’t have to explain, Bill already knew what happened, and the word had already come down for Tatiana to be fired for her onstage antics. Michael was livid that she had used a moment on stage to kiss him and there would be no changing his mind. Once you got in Michaels bad books it was almost impossible to get out.
“I want her gone,” was all he said when he came off stage from the final encore.

It would be up to Frank to let her go and up to Bill to tell Michael that Allison had left after the kiss. Bill was usually good at diffusing touchy situations like this, being able to give the other side of the story to make is more palpable. He took it better than expected, but it helped to know she was back at the hotel.

By the time Michael arrived back at the hotel it was late but she was still up waiting for him. He found her sitting crossed legged on the bed. She had changed out of her dress and had scrubbed her face clean. With her hair pulled back and her face free of makeup she looked so young. Her eyes were rimmed red and slightly puffy, undoubtedly from crying, but to Michael she still looked beautiful. She didn’t meet his gaze and she didn’t say a word as she picked absentmindedly at the material of her fleece pants. He walked over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Ally, why did you leave?”
She sniffed, “why?”
“I wanted you there,” he paused. “I always do.”
“Michael… I…” her voice broke. She didn’t even know where to start.
He shifted turning towards her on the bed and touched her knee gently, “talk to me.”

She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to explain but she didn’t know how. She wasn’t exactly mad at Tatiana. How could she be? Michael was the sweetest man she had ever met. He was unbelievable gorgeous, sexy as hell and from all appearances he was also a very single eligible bachelor. And for as long as she was a secret, it would always appear that way. But now to complicate things she was expecting his child… they would both have to be a secret and there was no way that was what she wanted. But she knew he didn’t want that either. But it was not like he could put his tour, his life’s blood, on hold for her. For her mistake… god what a mess she was in.

She pulled another tissue from the box as tears welled up in her eyes, “I just… just, I can’t stay and do this, I just can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Do what…” she looked at him finally. “Watch other girls kiss you and be okay with it.”
His face soften, “but you know it don’t mean nothin’.”
The tears started to roll down her face as she recalled in vivid detail the kiss and the loud roar of the crowd. This was all too much for her. “But it looked like you kissed her back.”
“Ally, now you’re just being silly,” he rubbed her knee. “You know I love you.”
“I know, but you…” her voice broke again.
“I couldn’t very well stop performing.”
“I know that silly,” she sniffed.
“Then what is it?”
“That!” she yelled through her tears. “That is the problem. I’m in love with you... and, and," she stuttered through her words. "And you’re Michael Jackson and you can’t stop being Michael Jackson. Not for me, not for… not for anything. And I get that. I do, I understand but…” She started to rock back and forth her tears were uncontrollable now. Her chest heaved as she hiccupped.  She couldn’t think. Her head hurt from crying and she didn’t know what to do. Here was her chance to tell him, to tell him she was pregnant, but she just couldn’t do it.

Michael had never seen her so upset. It broke his heart to see her in such a state. He would do anything to stop her from crying to stop what she was feeling “what do you want me to do Ally, what? Just tell me please.”
She wiped her tears away, “nothing. You can’t do anything Michael.”
She looked up at his face finally. “But I want to go home.”


  1. OMG! OMG! OMG! B this absolutely cant be happening.. Ihad a feeling that little episode with Tatianna wasnt going to be good.

    I am really at a loss for words.. I am heart broken this cant be happening... It just cant..

    I am going cry....

  2. Wow, it is hard to know where to start.
    First, let me say how much I enjoy waking up on a Saturday morning and enjoying my time with Michael (and Ally, of course) :)
    But, when I read this I was shocked, I can't believe she is pregnant!
    And, now she wants to leave. Oh Ally, please don't leave. She has to tell Michael her news ... soon!
    Damned Tatiana. I get the feeling that Ally isn't exactly jealous, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to sit on the sidelines and watch someone kiss your man - no matter how much you knew there was nothing behind it (on his part atleast).
    Micheal's introduction of Ally to his mother is going to be a bit awkward -- "Mother, this is Ally, the girl I'm dating ... oh and by the way you're going to be a grandmother again in a few months."
    I do love the fact that he told Janet all about her.
    I can't wait to see Michael's reaction to her news. A silly grin of sheer happiness might not be the best reaction considering Ally's anxiety.

  3. Oh Forever... no... no, don't go. I didn't mean to break your heart we all know that Ally is a little dramatic and over the top... I am sure she will be smart enought to figure it out once she gets over the kiss... hopefully, my fingers are crossed she will come to her senses.

  4. Hey Trish - HI! Can I tell you a secret? I like waking up with them too... oh and going to bed and walking to work and at work... oh wait.

    Yeah she is pregnant... I mean the force has a lot of power! It was bound to happen with all that going on.

    You would be right Trish... she is not jealous... but just not sure how to handle her man being kissed by other woman who happen to think he is available for the taking.

    Now an you imagine being introduced to anyone's mother and being pregnant... let alone the mother of Michael Jackson?? I cannot see that going well at all... maybe Janet will try help out..

    Thanks for commenting!

  5. OK , so she is preggers , unfortunate timing , but it is what it is , my feelers say she is going to have this baby ,.... Lord , how could you NOT have Michael Jackson's baby , even if he wanted nothing to do with you , I would want to have that little brown eyed munchkin.....
    ANYWAY preggers , 3 x over tested , yup , you are pregnant Ally Girl .

    And then there was tight skirt , big shouldered , diddle fritz Tatiana , lord , what is wrong with that girl , immature ditz sjeesh , now , let me tell you how I REALLY feel hahaha.
    Nah , too bad that happened but I hope that Ally can get past that , some how I feel she can.

    But oh girl , I feel for her , all this stuff going around in her heart and her head and then little baby in belly , oh dear , I just need to step into the story ...

    Very good chapter C , very good , but I feel for her ,damn ....don't go home Ally , please don't leave Mike :(

  6. Oh no! She can't leave without telling Michael she's pregnant! Hopefully he will be able to talk her out of it or she will see things differently in the morning after she has calmed down.

    I really don't blame her for being upset about that stunt Tatiana pulled. I would be too! But after just finding out she's pregnant, it must be 100 times worse than it would be in a normal situation.

    I just hope she doesn't get too stressed about it & then something happens to the baby. Maybe Val can talk some sense into her.

    This is all so heartbreaking. I just hope they can work it out.

    Great chapter as always!

  7. I have to join the choir of worried ladies here.
    She can't leave. Running away never solved any problems. She has to tell him.

    Yes, the timing is horrible,which it often is with these things, she carries most of the blame for what has happened,which means that Michael COULD get pissed with her and in the worst case scenario "fire" her like he just fired poor Tatiana for doing what any other sane woman would have done, but Ally, you have to take your chances. A part of him grows inside of you. You have to tell him.

    And if Michael gives her same treatment he has just given Tatiana. You know what? Then he is not worth it. michael Jackson or not. If a man acts like an asshole, he is not worth it no matter who he is. Period.

    But of course he isn't...
    He might give her the "if I ignore you the problem might go away-treatment" for a while, but he will come around and step up to his responsibilities.

    You hear me, Michael?

  8. OK... lots of heartache and drama here. I'm sure Ally would've handled Tatiana's self-destructive behavior better if not for her own highly emotional situation.

    I so wanted her to tell Michael right then and there, so he would know why she was reacting so strongly to what happened on stage, and he would understand why she looked like she'd been sobbing.

    Of course this is from Ally's perspective. Then there's Michael's side of it... not the best timing for him... and after Ally was so strong and logical in making them wait to be safe... then she FORGETS to take her PILLS?
    Still, he has a responsibility in this for leaving it all up to her. The sensible thing would've been for Michael to have been using protection as a matter of routine the whole time he was sexually active, to protect himself and his career. No matter how embarrassing it would've been to get someone to purchase them for him.

    Now it remains to be seen... will Michael's love for Ally jump ahead of the untimeliness of it right now, and kick in his love and longing for children?

  9. Ok so I am back.. And I am still just a heart broken and dumbfounded.. I still cant seem to process it right.. LOL..

    C.. Alli just cant leave in these terms or any others.. And like I said in a comment on another chapter. I think Michael would take the news better than Alli...

    I am so so so so super sad...

  10. What a wonderful update! Full of suspense and drama! Just what I love!

    Noooo Allie can't go home and run away from the truth! She needs to tell Michael she is pregnant so they can work it out together!

    Poor Michael must think it is all because of that stupid kiss Tatiana gave him on stage! No don't let her go Michael make her stay! Use that sexy charm we know you have....You can't let her leave..

    "And if Michael gives her same treatment he has just given Tatiana. You know what? Then he is not worth it. michael Jackson or not. If a man acts like an asshole, he is not worth it no matter who he is. Period."

    I agree with you Enola on the above statement I copied from your reply!

    I honestly don't think Michael will give Ally the same treatment..He always wanted to be a father! He loves kids..poor timing or not!

    Great update Cheryl! I can't wait to see what happens next1

  11. Oh my goodness I am so tardy in getting here… sorry ladies… midterm tomorrow been studying like mad.

    Okay YG – yes, yes we are preggers indeed three times over… I would definitely pee on the stick a few times to make sure I was if I was hoping I wasn`t. Now I am not saying she doesn`t want a baby… I don`t think she has even figured it out yet what she wants… but not having it is not an option at this point – figuring out how to tell Michael she got pregnant seems to be hard enough… although you are right Tatiana didn`t help matters… but I hope that they both can get past her antics and move on…

  12. Hi Mariaann…

    Ally is definitely hormonal about Tatiana. But it has to do with Michael too… at least from my perspective. You get this guy all to yourself – but no one knows about you – which is fine – but then you have all these other people thinking he is available. How happy could you be about that especially if you just found out you are pregnant with his child… you really can`t win either way… hopefully something will trigger her to see that it is better to stay and tell him.

    Thanks for commenting!

  13. Oh hello my lovely E…

    Yes, the chorus of worried ladies are much strong than I thought… (It makes me happy to see all you girls behind Ally!) and at least in Ally`s mind she does carry all of the blame for getting pregnant – but it might not be all her fault

    I don`t think Michael would give her the same treatment as Tatiana, although I think he would be taken aback at what happened, especially considering all Ally`s talk of taking it slow and protection in the beginning… how did she mess up with something so simple – but I don`t feel he would back away from here – after all didn`t he say to her he would never leave her to deal with a situation she didn`t want to deal with all by herself??

    Now if only Allison could remember that conversation of not so long ago.

    Thanks for commenting E… and thanks for telling it like it is.

  14. Helen… I have to say I love your comment! You intrigue me your sensibility – seriously!

    I have to agree with you – Ally was so adamant and strong about having protection – and now she did something as silly as forgetting her birth control… how did that happen

    I also agree that Michael shares the burden of responsibility of protection, being that he needs to protect his career and his livelihood… isn`t he then on that wrote Billie Jean?? He should be wrapping it up double time to make sure there are no little surprises – And this is what is weighing on Ally, she knows he thinks it was up to her – and she didn`t keep her end of the protection deal.

    I think if Michael knows – he would be shocked at first, because it is so unexpected, especially at this point and time as second leg has only just started… we have 11 months to go! But I think eventually his love for Ally and the desire to have a child of his own just might change his mind.

    Thanks for commenting!

  15. Awww Forever... welcome back - sorry you are so heartbroken. I agree she needs to tell him... but I am not so sure he would take it better than she - pehaps a little less sobbing - but he will be surprised for sure.

    Thanks for coming back!

  16. Hey Nancy.

    Well if anyone can give you drama it will be Ally - she is her own worst enemy.

    I see you are another HELL NO she can't go supporter - which for me makes perfect sense to stay - but it makes perfect sense to me to for her wanting to leave... process the information like she does everything else in her control freak life - now she has to realized this is something she cant'control - it is what it is.

    I love how you and E are both talking directly to Michael... I will be sure to pass your messages along - but I am pretty sure he is upset she wants to leave - but I will put in a good word for ya both... let's see what we get!

    Thanks for commenting

  17. YG - forgot to thank you too for commeting... THANKS!

    Okay back to the books!

  18. Nooooo !! I could just kill Tatiana ! I'm glad that in real life she got fired all the same ! She tried to set him up and claim him ! Yuck !

    And poor Ally, in her condition these things are hard to take. She is much too emotional anyway. Hormones raging, I guess. But she cannot go home without explaining him what happened !! That is not fair to Michael. What will he do when he finds out afterwards ? He will be disappointed and hurt...

    But you are the writer of course. And actually, I do love the drama. Life is not about only the happy times unfortunately.

    Great writing ! Looooved this chapter !

  19. Ok girl I am getting impatient.. I cant wait for the next update....

  20. Hey Ingrid..  sorry for taking so long to get back to you. Nice to see you again. You know I have always felt belt for Tatiana... being that close to Michael and have him not be interested in you.... poor girl...  but yeah, she was trying to make him hers.. I agree with you... Ally needs to tell him because it will hurt Michael and she can't handle this alone, but unfortunately Ally does not seem to be thinking too clearing 

    Shhhhhh I love the drama too... but don't tell anyone!

  21. MS. FM - :) hello - I am letting it simmer so you will just have to be impatient and wait... geez it is only been two weeks - that is short by my standards :) and I am glad to see you got your AVI back.

  22. Ok fine so I will be patient... But I still cant wait for the next update..... :)

  23. When I heard this song I knew I just had to post it... LOL

  24. oh my... you are a funny one... yes I know I am makingyou wait...  keeping my fingers crossed for next week or the one after... no later I promise!

  25. Know I am new and you wwill not post again till Mar  tenth just know I am dying here for that update and so glad I found your blog!

  26. Well you certainly did a lot of reading today... you need a break! I am glad you found us here... and I hope we see you soon...   Keep checking our schedule for the chapters of all 3 stories!

  27. Anticipation... Anticipation.........

  28. Oh I will absolutely love all three and can't wait for more!

  29. Well you are in for a special treat than.. all three are posting in the next week... :)



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